It’s Shark Week! – NoVa Caps’ Zach Hart Likens Caps Players to Different Sharks

sharkweek

I’m sure you all know by now that Discovery Channel’s “Shark Week 2015” is on this week and it’s Jawesome!  It’s a bad week to be a seal.  It’s a bad week to be a fish.  Actually, it’s probably a bad week to be any living thing in the ocean besides maybe a killer whale.  Needless to say, I’ll be parked on my couch for the next seven days.  But while I was deleting all the Capitals Stanley Cup Playoff games off of my DVR to make room for recording Shark Week, I thought to myself, ‘How can I feature sharks in my next Caps write-up.’  Weird I know, but I like to step outside of the box sometimes to keep my writing fun.  I’ve decided the first order of business will be making some fun comparisons.  So let’s take a shot at this.

Tom Wilson – Bull Shark

bull shark

Bull Sharks are VERY territorial and have the highest testosterone levels of any animal in the animal kingdom.  You go into the Bull Sharks home (Verizon Center) you better not provoke it because it might just crush some bones.  Given the nickname the “pit bull of the sea,” it’s best to stay out of your local freshwater swimming areas (away ice) when Wilson, I mean Bull sharks are present because they might just send you to the ER for a stitch up.

Alex Ovechkin – The Great White

great white

The Great White poses the biggest threat towards human beings and many people consider it the King of the Ocean.  I wouldn’t want to see a Great White shark charging from the depths at speeds in excess of 25 mph to breach the water with me in its jaws.  And I wouldn’t want to turn at the last second to see Ovechkin slamming into me with force that’s in equality to the force of a car accident.  But the Great White also leads the scoreboards when it comes to confirmed unprovoked attacks by a wide margin kind of like how Ovechkin led the NHL in goals last season.  It was only right for me to give Ovechkin the White Shark.

Nicklas Backstrom – Oceanic Whitetip

oceanic

Whitetip sharks fly under the radar and aren’t as famous as some of their toothy friends because when they attack people, it’s usually people that are stranded in the middle of the ocean.  So these attacks are unconfirmed or quite frankly the accused simply didn’t leave any evidence behind.  They should probably be the most famous shark of all.  It kind of reminds me how Nicklas Backstrom was snubbed in the All-Star game voting but still led the entire NHL in points.  Also, Whitetips have the ability to sense uncharacteristic smells in the middle of the ocean and detect small movements and splashing from miles away.  Sort of like how Nicky has the sense to read a play from miles away and is usually the first on the scene to make you pay via his lethal set-up skills.

Braden Holtby – Tiger Shark

tiger

Holtby was quite phenomenal last year in cleaning up the garbage in front of the net.  According to hockeyreference.com, Holtby had 1887 saves last season.  That’s a whole lot of garbage.  Tiger Sharks are known by many as the “garbage eaters” of the sea.  During examinations of their stomach contents, there have been things like license plates, tires, nails and even a suit of armor.  That’s right a night’s suit of armor.  Keep cleaning up that garbage Braden!

Jay Beagle – Spiny Dogfish

spiney

Sorry Beags but the reason is obvious.  But I will say that the Spiny Dogfish like to ram their prey before consuming it, kind of like Beagle’s forecheck when he rams you and takes the puck.  Also the spiny Dogfish excretes a poison from the bottom of its spine which Beagles pure hard work is a poison for all opponents when he’s on the ice excelling on the faceoff dot, penalty killing etc.

Jason Chimera – Mako

mako

Chimera was once considered to be near the top of the league when it comes to speed (he may have lost a step but he’s still fast.)  Kind of like the Mako, the fastest shark of all.  The Mako has been recorded at speeds of 25 mph with short bursts of speed at around 46 mph.  When an angler makes a Mako angry, they tend to jump right in the boat.  When Chimera’s plays angry, he has a unique ability to make you pay.

I’m a Capitals and shark fanatic so there will be another article featuring other player’s mid-week.  Be sure to check it out and drop a comment!

 By: Zach Hart

References:

http://www.top10stop.com/world/top-10-most-dangerous-human-killing-sharks-oceans-most-agressive-predators, http://www.sharkinfo.ch/SI2_99e/sacanthias.html, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shortfin_mako_shark, http://www.top10stop.com/world/top-10-most-dangerous-human-killing-sharks-oceans-most-agressive-predators, http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/shark-week/

 

 

About Jon Sorensen

Jon has been a Caps fan since day one, attending his first game at the Capital Centre in 1974. His passion for the Caps has grown over the decades, which has included time as a season ticket holder, social media and community organizer, and most recently led to the founding of NoVa Caps in 2014. Jon earned a Bachelor's of Science in Engineering at Old Dominion University, and is a Systems Engineer during intermissions, which has been instrumental in supporting his Capitals habit.
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